Time to Boycott Uber for Boycotting Trump for Customers Boycotting Uber

Yo, yo, yo! Travis in the house.

In a disgusting show of concern for refugees and his customer base, Uber CEO Travis Kalanick has dropped out of President Trump’s business advisory council, citing reservations about the president’s anti-terrorism, anti-what most Americans want, totally-not-a-Muslim-ban Muslim ban.

“Earlier today I spoke briefly with the president about the immigration executive order and its issues for our community,” Kalanick said in a memo. “I also let him know that I would not be able to participate on his economic council. Joining the group was not meant to be an endorsement of the president or his agenda but unfortunately it has been misinterpreted to be exactly that.”

Oh! So you don’t endorse keeping America SAFE, Travis?  I should have known you hated our country when one of your drivers picked me up in a Prius the other day.

What’s next? Listening to your customers when they protest the surge…? Oh, I sure hope so. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, GET RID OF THE WALLET-GOUGING SURGE!

 

FAKE NEWS CNN Runs Fake Story About Trump Asking People on Live TV to Pray for ‘Apprentice’ Ratings During National Prayer Breakfast

I am disgusted, disheartened and outraged about this FAKE NEWS CNN piece. Once again, they have deceptively based their so-called reporting on the actual words Donald Trump said into a live mic this morning. As Kellyanne Conway rightfully pointed out, liberal elites should listen to what’s in his HEART instead. Just try…

See? You hear that? Just cold, empty silence. Amen.

 

Finally! President Donald Trump Puts Australia In Its Place

In a world where an Afghan woman’s ears are cut off by her husband and Syrian toddlers are washed ashore, we all know where we need to direct our ire:

AUSTRALIA.

So I tip my felt bucket hat to President Donald J. Trump, who bravely berated the Australian prime minister on a call yesterday, when past presidents were too wimpy to kangaroo-kick our longtime ally for no good reason. It takes a real man, a true patriot like President Trump, to try to weasel out of an agreement to accept 1250 refugees fleeing terror, beat his chest about the size of his electoral college victory (as sizable as his hands!), then hang up faster than Prime Minister Turnbull can say “Maybe the dingo ate your baby.”

Let’s be honest: Australia has a long history of trying to stick us with dangerous exports. Shrimp on the barbie, for example. Kath & Kim. This guy…

Not to mention their actors are always stealing our Hollywood jobs. Step off, Blanchett and Jackman! Somewhere in New Jersey, that third Jonas Brother is wondering why a Hemsworth is getting the roles that should be his. Is this really how we want to treat the third Jonas Brother, America? Okay, sure, Australians are abnormally attractive, fun and talented, but under Trump, we will stand for it no more!

 

Tremendous News: Betsy DeVos is One Step Closer to Protecting Our Children from Grizzly Bears!

Despite Secretary of Education nominee Betsy DeVos’s performance at her confirmation hearing, which was called “horribly embarrassing,” “stunningly bad” and a “TOTAL SH*T SHOW” — and those were the kinder reviews — a Senate committee today voted to advance her nomination. As you can imagine, Trump was pleased — as well he should be! It’s not every day we have the good fortune of appointing unqualified billionaires to help run the country.

Of course those liber-losers are crying about our Education Department being headed up by a woman who doesn’t know the difference between proficiency and growth, believes schools should be armed with guns in the event of a grizzly bear attack, and appeared further at sea during the whole hearing than Magellan ever was; however, if they just bothered to look at the Senate committee’s Secretary of Education criteria checklist, then they’d see DeVos checks off every box!

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Proof That President Trump Does Attend “Intelligence” Briefings

To those on the left who cry, “Oh! Trump doesn’t go to intelligence briefings!” and “Oh! Trump thinks Belgium is a city!” and “Oh! Trump is a deranged, narcissistic, mentally unstable loon who’s armed with the nuclear codes and, dear God, doesn’t understand why we don’t just launch them!”, I am here to tell you that you are WRONG!

Trump does, in fact, go to intelligence briefings. Here’s proof:

And he’s got the best echo chamber — a really fantastic echo chamber. It’s probably the best, most luxurious echo chamber you’ve ever seen. SO THERE!

Media’s Side-by-Side Pictures of Inaugural Crowds Grossly Misleading

The media and liber-nazis have been delighting in sharing these side-by-side pictures of Barack Obama’s 2009 inauguration and Donald Trump’s inauguration turnout, which looks even more blank and white than Trump’s cabinet picks. However, I say FOR SHAME to the press for failing to point out it’s incredibly difficult for most of Trump’s supporters to fly the more than 5,000 miles from Russia to Washington, D.C.

What you also didn’t see:

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Girl Scouts to March in Inaugural Parade — See Their Commemorative Cookies!

Now more than their s’mores are under fire!

The Girl Scouts of America, who have announced their plans to march in the inaugural parade, have come under fire from those delicate liberals who believe silly things like, oh, that a president-elect who’s bragged about grabbing women’s genitals, was sued for raping a 13-year-old girl, judges women’s looks on a scale of 1-10, boasted that he ogled naked teenagers at the Miss Universe pageant and has told a 10-year-old girl he’d like to date her one day, may not be the best guy for little girls to support. Such snowflakes! But I say good for the heads of the organization for grabbing those whiners by the pussy and marching on with their plans, so to speak. Perhaps as the young girls pass the president-elect, he will point out a lucky few who are attractive enough to be considered future date material! An honor, indeed.

Also in the spirit of our blessed 45th president, the Girl Scouts should milk this opportunity to make some cash-money. Those camping trips and future lawsuits against sexual predators like our president-elect aren’t going to pay for themselves! My suggested inauguration-inspired cookies:

 

Trump Will Be the Most Amazing, Tremendous President Ever. Believe Me.

Guest op-ed by John Barron

Forget those other loser papers. Rigged! This is the only endorsement that matters.

On November 8, 2016, the American people will decide between two presidential contenders: a disaster of a woman with no stamina or gold-plated sink fixtures in her house (sad!); and Donald Trump, a terrific man, truly incredible, who has billions and billions of dollars and an understanding of U.S. health care policy as sizable as his hands.

Just kidding, folks. There is no decision for you to make. Because there is only one choice in this election. In fact, our editorial board, consisting of yours truly — which, believe me, is all we need on this board because I have a very good brain and have endorsed lots of things, like steaks and vodka and now the leader of the free world — has declared Donald Trump the winner of this election.

How do I, the editorial board who is totally not Donald Trump, already know Donald Trump is the winner? Because he’s not a loser, people. He is very, very smart. He is very, very successful. And he does very good things.

Also, if I say it, it must be true. I’m not a liar like Crooked Hillary, who founded ISIS in high school and goosed Barbara Bush in the Rose Garden. Many people are saying.

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