Guest op-ed by John Barron
Forget those other loser papers. Rigged! This is the only endorsement that matters.
On November 8, 2016, the American people will decide between two presidential contenders: a disaster of a woman with no stamina or gold-plated sink fixtures in her house (sad!); and Donald Trump, a terrific man, truly incredible, who has billions and billions of dollars and an understanding of U.S. health care policy as sizable as his hands.
Just kidding, folks. There is no decision for you to make. Because there is only one choice in this election. In fact, our editorial board, consisting of yours truly — which, believe me, is all we need on this board because I have a very good brain and have endorsed lots of things, like steaks and vodka and now the leader of the free world — has declared Donald Trump the winner of this election.
How do I, the editorial board who is totally not Donald Trump, already know Donald Trump is the winner? Because he’s not a loser, people. He is very, very smart. He is very, very successful. And he does very good things.
Also, if I say it, it must be true. I’m not a liar like Crooked Hillary, who founded ISIS in high school and goosed Barbara Bush in the Rose Garden. Many people are saying.