Smells Like
What I Think He Smells Like: Jeff Sessions
March 3, 2017
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    • The grits he had for brunch at the all-white country club
    • Stolichnaya
    • Ginkgo Biloba to help with convenient memory loss
    • The Uncommonly Good® cookies he hawks for Keebler


Alternative Facts
Liber-nazis Attack Kellyanne Conway for Defending Our Nation Against Fake Terrorist Attacks
February 3, 2017
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I tell ya, those liberal elites will stop at nothing to discredit an Islamophobic liar. Disgusting.

What Kellyanne Conway told MSNBC’s Chris Matthews in defense of President Trump’s totally-not-a-Muslim-ban Muslim ban:

“I bet it’s brand new information to people that President Obama had a six-month ban on the Iraqi refugee program after two Iraqis came here to this country, were radicalized and they were the masterminds behind the Bowling Green massacre. It didn’t get covered.”

As usual, Kellyanne was right–it was brand new information because none of that ever happened. Of course, the elite media POUNCED on the poor woman, citing actual facts based on demonstrable history proving that Obama didn’t ban the Iraqi refugee program and that there was no such thing as the Bowling Green massacre. And who’s to say she wasn’t referring to the massacre that happened on the bowling greens of Mount Dora Lawn Bowling Club in July of 2003?

They CRUSHED the Watertown Nursing Home on the bowling greens that day. Massacred, some would say.

I, for one, am so TIRED of the left pushing “correctness.” Whatever happened to the days when a Muslim-hating, war-mongering administration could make up a “massacre,” then later Tweet a half-assed correction admonishing the media for admonishing her for promulgating fear-inciting lies without being admonished? *Sigh* I miss those days, I really do.


Bigly News
Time to Boycott Uber for Boycotting Trump for Customers Boycotting Uber
February 3, 2017
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Yo, yo, yo! Travis in the house.

In a disgusting show of concern for refugees and his customer base, Uber CEO Travis Kalanick has dropped out of President Trump’s business advisory council, citing reservations about the president’s anti-terrorism, anti-what most Americans want, totally-not-a-Muslim-ban Muslim ban.

“Earlier today I spoke briefly with the president about the immigration executive order and its issues for our community,” Kalanick said in a memo. “I also let him know that I would not be able to participate on his economic council. Joining the group was not meant to be an endorsement of the president or his agenda but unfortunately it has been misinterpreted to be exactly that.”

Oh! So you don’t endorse keeping America SAFE, Travis?  I should have known you hated our country when one of your drivers picked me up in a Prius the other day.

What’s next? Listening to your customers when they protest the surge…? Oh, I sure hope so. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, GET RID OF THE WALLET-GOUGING SURGE!

 

Dishonest Media
FAKE NEWS CNN Runs Fake Story About Trump Asking People on Live TV to Pray for ‘Apprentice’ Ratings During National Prayer Breakfast
February 2, 2017
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I am disgusted, disheartened and outraged about this FAKE NEWS CNN piece. Once again, they have deceptively based their so-called reporting on the actual words Donald Trump said into a live mic this morning. As Kellyanne Conway rightfully pointed out, liberal elites should listen to what’s in his HEART instead. Just try…

See? You hear that? Just cold, empty silence. Amen.


Bigly News
Finally! President Donald Trump Puts Australia In Its Place
February 2, 2017
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In a world where an Afghan woman’s ears are cut off by her husband and Syrian toddlers are washed ashore, we all know where we need to direct our ire:

AUSTRALIA.

So I tip my felt bucket hat to President Donald J. Trump, who bravely berated the Australian prime minister on a call yesterday, when past presidents were too wimpy to kangaroo-kick our longtime ally for no good reason. It takes a real man, a true patriot like President Trump, to try to weasel out of an agreement to accept 1250 refugees fleeing terror, beat his chest about the size of his electoral college victory (as sizable as his hands!), then hang up faster than Prime Minister Turnbull can say “Maybe the dingo ate your baby.”

Let’s be honest: Australia has a long history of trying to stick us with dangerous exports. Shrimp on the barbie, for example. Kath & Kim. This guy…

Not to mention their actors are always stealing our Hollywood jobs. Step off, Blanchett and Jackman! Somewhere in New Jersey, that third Jonas Brother is wondering why a Hemsworth is getting the roles that should be his. Is this really how we want to treat the third Jonas Brother, America? Okay, sure, Australians are abnormally attractive, fun and talented, but under Trump, we will stand for it no more!

 

Smells Like
What I Think He Smells Like: Speaker Paul Ryan
February 1, 2017
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Oh my… what a big buck you have!

  • That buck’s tears
  • The aftermath of 50 push-ups he just did on the House floor for no particular reason
  • The crow that Trump forced him to eat
  • Drakkar Noir
  • The lady parts of American women after being all up in their wombs


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